Last Saturday, I spent the evening with a huge family group celebrating my parents' 60th wedding anniversary. I remember when my paternal grandparents celebrated their 60th anniversary and at the time I thought they were SO old. Now, with my parents actually older than my father's parents, but in better shape, I don't think of my parents as old, or aged, although they are both now past 80.
What has changed in my perception? Is it because I am older? Or is it denial? Perhaps, I don't want to think of my parents as elderly... yuck, that word makes me feel terrible. If you ever met my parents, you would never think they are "elderly." They are both in good health, vibrant, bright and active. And yet, life does move on and our bodies do age.
So, that goes for all of us. My eldest sister will be turning 60 this year. I just passed age 51. My parents have taught me that life is vital at any age. My father, 83, still goes out to the home farm (now owned by my brother) and helps him with odd jobs. My mother, 80, still takes care of a large house, does aquafit, gardens, cooks, makes quilts and visits her large and ever-growing family. Whenever we get together in a group, what amazes me is that our family really enjoys being together.
And so, we looked at photographs and watched videos and heard speeches and had a little "grandchildren" talent show and basically were able to celebrate life in all its fullness. As someone who is welcomed into a lot of family relationships, I know how precious this is. Part of the art of ministry is knowing a wide diversity of persons in a wide diversity of circumstances. And in this instant, it certainly helps me to feel incredibly grateful about my own family. My parents are a huge blessing to me and I love them dearly. They raised a family in such a way that we were taught honesty, integrity, and tolerance. It takes a lot of tolerance to survive in such a family, to survive all the disagreements and hurts and teasing. As much as my parents were ever disappointed with me, or angry, or disapproved of a decision that I had made, they never let those conflicts come between us. They loved me, and all my siblings, unconditionally. They were good at forgetting.
I think that's one of the most precious things I've learned from them. Don't hold a grudge. Don't let past disagreements lead you to burning bridges. Each day is a new day and another chance to get it right. This helps me so much in my own ministry, especially when parishioners are critical or even, downright rude and judgmental. If you take it personally, it's hard to have a loving and honest relationship with them. If you hear it and learn from it and then let it go, you can proceed with your relationship in such a way that you're not bogged down by hurt or resentment. If there's one thing I've learned about ministry, it's absolutely essential that your spirit be free from toxic thoughts that block you from truly loving others. This is not easy but once I had this epiphany my whole life became richer and more balanced.
With five sisters and three brothers, lots of in-laws, and loads of nieces and nephews, the riches of family still feel wondrous to me. A 60th anniversary inspires a lot of awe -- both about the past and the future.
