Crying for Chester

Yesterday, about 9:30 a.m. I took my dog Raffi out for his morning walk.  As we walked down the street, we met Barb and her 14-and-a-half year old dog.  Barb was sniffling and as Raffi ran over to Chester she said, "Say goodbye to Chester, Raffi, he's going to heaven at 10 o'clock."

I was shocked.  I knew the day would have to come when Chester "was put down."  He could hardly walk and he was in terrible pain.  When you watched him walk along the street, you would swear he was on a slant. He was a beautiful tawny colour and friendly.  He always let Raffi bark at him and there was never any retaliation.  He had a gentle soul and was interested in everything. 

I looked at Barb and her words sunk in.  My husband James had told me that Barb had told him that the vet was going to come to the house to give him the lethal injection. What I couldn't quite get my head around was that here was Chester out for his final walk, with his time of death set, and here I was petting him and saying goodbye.  I couldn't believe that in a bit over a half an hour he would be dead, gone, finished, no more.  But what was worse was we as humans could decide the time and place.

Barb was crying as she spoke to us but I was amazed at how strong she was.  There was another neighbour outside and she also had the chance to say goodbye to Chester.  He was truly the neighbourhood dog.  Everyone knew him.  Whenever Raffi saw him out walking around, he always wanted out to see him.

Not only did everyone know Chester, but everyone loved him.  The knowledge that his days were numbered was bad enough but to be present and have to face that death first hand was particularly painful.

I shed a few tears in the morning but it wasn't until later in the day when I was telling my husband about the experience that a flood of grief waved over me.  The tears poured out of me. Why?  Why do the creatures that we love have to die?  And why do we have to take their lives into our own hands?  I realize that it's a brave and merciful act, and I would have done the same, but I couldn't get over Barb's words.

"Chester is going to heaven at 10 o'clock."  As a person who's walked beside a lot of persons who have died, I'm not unfamiliar with death.  I've been privileged to stand beside the beds of two persons at the actual time of death.  It seemed a natural process and not scary....so why, why did this feel so painful and NOT RIGHT?

My heart still aches for a beautiful dog that could not live forever even though we wanted him to.  He was an angel dog, a dog that loved life and his owner, Barb, and it seemed, everyone.  One thing I know for absolutely sure -- I will never forget him. Never.